A Man Fully Alive: A Focused Retreat for Busy Men
By Sister Antonella Bayer, CSJ
Men can get so caught up in life, as Patrick Morley states in his book, The Man in the Mirror. If you have ever had that “out of control” feeling, this brief, at-home reflection time is for you. What kind of man are you to your family, to your work associates, to acquaintances and strangers, to those in need, and to your God?
Process
1. Choose an out-of-the-way room or outdoor spot where you will be alone for 15 minutes. Morning, afternoon, or evening will do.
2. Read one of the following thoughts from various authors. Spend a few minutes of quiet time looking into your heart to see how the words may apply to you personally.
3. Be a person of gratitude. Thank God for the little successes of today or yesterday. What were they? Where did I miss opportunities to grow?
4. Make a resolution to take one step forward today/tonight/tomorrow.
Day 1 Finding God in the Ordinary
“Gospel accounts of the Transfiguration indicate that Peter, James and John had a dazzling vision of Jesus in His radiant glory and heard distinctly the voice of God. Most of us do not have such direct encounters with God.” Our discipleship does not require mountaintop visions or voices from clouds. “We can sense God’s presence in the whisper of gentle breezes as well as in dramatic situations. We can hear His voice, even in silence.”
--My Daily Visitor
Reflect:
Look for the positive in your life. Where do you find the Holy in your place of work? Where did you find God today at home or in the marketplace?
Am I listening? Do I pay attention when my soul is stirred to rest or do good works?
Give thanks.
Make resolution.
Day 2 Making Time to Pray
“The Jewish Kabbalah teaches that the Holy may speak to you from its many hidden places at any time. The world may whisper in your ear, or the spark of God in you may whisper in your heart.” --Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D., My Grandfather’s Blessings
Reflect:
Sometimes we pray amid distractions, either mental or physical, to which we readily give our attention. Rather than praying out of duty, take a deep breath and pray with your whole soul and mind with thoughts focused on your Higher Power, the Holy, your God. Can you find or create a time and place when you can actually be present to God?
Give thanks.
Make resolution.
Day 3 Letting in the Light
The holy ones in the community, the spiritual leaders, “were always the people with the keenest sense of humor.”
--Sister Gloria Davis, reflecting on her native Navajo tradition.
“Laughter can rout out our fears…Laughter is a sound that has a universal wave length.”
--Patricia A. Livingston, Let in the Light
Reflect:
Where am I in seeing the incongruencies of life, the humorous situations, the “goofs” I make as part of the human condition? Can I take or tell jokes?
Give thanks.
Make resolution.
Day 4 Masking our True Selves
“We are hiding, every last one of us. Well aware that we…are not what we are meant to be, desperately afraid of exposure, terrified of being seen for what we are and are not…we hide in our office, at the gym, behind the newspaper and mostly behind our personality.”
--John Eldredge, Wild at Heart
Reflect:
When I look at myself in the mirror, do I see what I put on or what I am? What masks do I wear?
Offer your petitions to God right now. Are you willing to accept God’s answer of “I have something better for you”? Cheerfully give thanks for who you are and for the man you hope to be, more fully alive. Remind yourself that God is present and God listens.
Give thanks.
Make resolution.
Day 5 Relating in Love
Sometimes in a relationship or in a marriage, a woman feels that a man is not there for her emotionally. If she feels that he has abandoned her relationally, even a little bit, her response may be to take charge in order to protect herself from her disappointment with the man’s lack of care and protection. In the Old Testament “God says that Adam’s response to the woman’s attempts to control him will be to rule or dominate her” (Genesis 3:16).
--Aubrey Malphurs, Biblical Manhood and Womanhood
Reflect:
Where am I when the women in my life need me? Is my deepest fear that I am incompetent as a man? Read St. Paul’s message in 2 Corinthians 3:4-6. Confidence is possible to be the responsible leader in your family. You can take responsibility for your relationships. Do I love my wife, my children, my friends and family sacrificially?
Give thanks.
Make resolution.
Day 6 Using Talents for Service
The world judges a man’s worth by his accomplishments. “God determines your greatness by how many people you serve, not how many people serve you…
To be like Jesus is to be a servant….God shaped you for service, not for self-centeredness. Without a servant’s heart, you will be tempted to misuse your shape for personal gain. You will also be tempted to use it as an excuse to exempt yourself from meeting some needs. God often tests our hearts by asking us to serve in ways we’re not shaped.”
--Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life
Reflect:
Some men fulfill roles of vision and inspire hope that the goal is worth the process. Some men “do the task” and/or give guidance to help others do so.
Have I made myself available to serve? God deserves my best. How can I make the best use of what God has given me? Paul told Timothy: “Be sure to use the abilities God has given you…Put these abilities to work” (2 Cor. 10:13). Read also 2 Timothy 2:15.
Give thanks.
Make resolution.
Day 7 Believing in God’s Purpose
“Your weaknesses are not an accident. God deliberately allowed them in your life for the purpose of demonstrating His power through you…The Bible is filled with examples of how God loves to use imperfect, ordinary people to do extraordinary things in spite of their weakness. If God only used perfect people, nothing would ever get done because none of us is flawless.”
--Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life
Reflect:
Do I think of my weakness as a limitation rather than a flaw? It may be physical, emotional, or intellectual. Jesus promises: “I am with you always.” My power shows up best in weak people” (2 Corinthians 12:9). How can I help other people? Can I believe that my most effective ministry will come out of my deepest hurts because I am more likely to be compassionate toward the weaknesses of others?
Give thanks.
Make resolution.
Conclusion
Being a man in the culture of today is no small challenge. Dr. Iverson M. Eicken of Santa Monica, California, states that the demands are complicated and often conflicting. Further, men are required to be strong and calm, and at the same time they are asked to risk expressing feelings. Research tells us that the result of the demands men face can be low self esteem, heightened stress levels, depression and anxiety, substance abuse, shame, decreased relationship satisfaction, and struggles with intimacy. Seek a spiritual director, a psychologist or counselor for help in dealing with your issues.
Suggested reading
Psalm 39:14 and Psalm119:19 We have only a brief time on this earth.
The Man in the Mirror by Patrick Morley
Devotions for the Man in the Mirror by Patrick Morley
The Silence of Adam: Becoming Men of Courage in a World of Change, by Dr. Larry Crabb
Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Purity One Victory at a Time, By Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker
Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul, by John Eldredge
Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: Understanding Masculinity and Femininity from God’s Perspective, by Aubrey Malphurs
Let in the Light: Facing the Hard Stuff with Hope, by Patricia H. Livingston
The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth am I Here For? by Rick Warren
Men can get so caught up in life, as Patrick Morley states in his book, The Man in the Mirror. If you have ever had that “out of control” feeling, this brief, at-home reflection time is for you. What kind of man are you to your family, to your work associates, to acquaintances and strangers, to those in need, and to your God?
Process
1. Choose an out-of-the-way room or outdoor spot where you will be alone for 15 minutes. Morning, afternoon, or evening will do.
2. Read one of the following thoughts from various authors. Spend a few minutes of quiet time looking into your heart to see how the words may apply to you personally.
3. Be a person of gratitude. Thank God for the little successes of today or yesterday. What were they? Where did I miss opportunities to grow?
4. Make a resolution to take one step forward today/tonight/tomorrow.
Day 1 Finding God in the Ordinary
“Gospel accounts of the Transfiguration indicate that Peter, James and John had a dazzling vision of Jesus in His radiant glory and heard distinctly the voice of God. Most of us do not have such direct encounters with God.” Our discipleship does not require mountaintop visions or voices from clouds. “We can sense God’s presence in the whisper of gentle breezes as well as in dramatic situations. We can hear His voice, even in silence.”
--My Daily Visitor
Reflect:
Look for the positive in your life. Where do you find the Holy in your place of work? Where did you find God today at home or in the marketplace?
Am I listening? Do I pay attention when my soul is stirred to rest or do good works?
Give thanks.
Make resolution.
Day 2 Making Time to Pray
“The Jewish Kabbalah teaches that the Holy may speak to you from its many hidden places at any time. The world may whisper in your ear, or the spark of God in you may whisper in your heart.” --Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D., My Grandfather’s Blessings
Reflect:
Sometimes we pray amid distractions, either mental or physical, to which we readily give our attention. Rather than praying out of duty, take a deep breath and pray with your whole soul and mind with thoughts focused on your Higher Power, the Holy, your God. Can you find or create a time and place when you can actually be present to God?
Give thanks.
Make resolution.
Day 3 Letting in the Light
The holy ones in the community, the spiritual leaders, “were always the people with the keenest sense of humor.”
--Sister Gloria Davis, reflecting on her native Navajo tradition.
“Laughter can rout out our fears…Laughter is a sound that has a universal wave length.”
--Patricia A. Livingston, Let in the Light
Reflect:
Where am I in seeing the incongruencies of life, the humorous situations, the “goofs” I make as part of the human condition? Can I take or tell jokes?
Give thanks.
Make resolution.
Day 4 Masking our True Selves
“We are hiding, every last one of us. Well aware that we…are not what we are meant to be, desperately afraid of exposure, terrified of being seen for what we are and are not…we hide in our office, at the gym, behind the newspaper and mostly behind our personality.”
--John Eldredge, Wild at Heart
Reflect:
When I look at myself in the mirror, do I see what I put on or what I am? What masks do I wear?
Offer your petitions to God right now. Are you willing to accept God’s answer of “I have something better for you”? Cheerfully give thanks for who you are and for the man you hope to be, more fully alive. Remind yourself that God is present and God listens.
Give thanks.
Make resolution.
Day 5 Relating in Love
Sometimes in a relationship or in a marriage, a woman feels that a man is not there for her emotionally. If she feels that he has abandoned her relationally, even a little bit, her response may be to take charge in order to protect herself from her disappointment with the man’s lack of care and protection. In the Old Testament “God says that Adam’s response to the woman’s attempts to control him will be to rule or dominate her” (Genesis 3:16).
--Aubrey Malphurs, Biblical Manhood and Womanhood
Reflect:
Where am I when the women in my life need me? Is my deepest fear that I am incompetent as a man? Read St. Paul’s message in 2 Corinthians 3:4-6. Confidence is possible to be the responsible leader in your family. You can take responsibility for your relationships. Do I love my wife, my children, my friends and family sacrificially?
Give thanks.
Make resolution.
Day 6 Using Talents for Service
The world judges a man’s worth by his accomplishments. “God determines your greatness by how many people you serve, not how many people serve you…
To be like Jesus is to be a servant….God shaped you for service, not for self-centeredness. Without a servant’s heart, you will be tempted to misuse your shape for personal gain. You will also be tempted to use it as an excuse to exempt yourself from meeting some needs. God often tests our hearts by asking us to serve in ways we’re not shaped.”
--Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life
Reflect:
Some men fulfill roles of vision and inspire hope that the goal is worth the process. Some men “do the task” and/or give guidance to help others do so.
Have I made myself available to serve? God deserves my best. How can I make the best use of what God has given me? Paul told Timothy: “Be sure to use the abilities God has given you…Put these abilities to work” (2 Cor. 10:13). Read also 2 Timothy 2:15.
Give thanks.
Make resolution.
Day 7 Believing in God’s Purpose
“Your weaknesses are not an accident. God deliberately allowed them in your life for the purpose of demonstrating His power through you…The Bible is filled with examples of how God loves to use imperfect, ordinary people to do extraordinary things in spite of their weakness. If God only used perfect people, nothing would ever get done because none of us is flawless.”
--Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life
Reflect:
Do I think of my weakness as a limitation rather than a flaw? It may be physical, emotional, or intellectual. Jesus promises: “I am with you always.” My power shows up best in weak people” (2 Corinthians 12:9). How can I help other people? Can I believe that my most effective ministry will come out of my deepest hurts because I am more likely to be compassionate toward the weaknesses of others?
Give thanks.
Make resolution.
Conclusion
Being a man in the culture of today is no small challenge. Dr. Iverson M. Eicken of Santa Monica, California, states that the demands are complicated and often conflicting. Further, men are required to be strong and calm, and at the same time they are asked to risk expressing feelings. Research tells us that the result of the demands men face can be low self esteem, heightened stress levels, depression and anxiety, substance abuse, shame, decreased relationship satisfaction, and struggles with intimacy. Seek a spiritual director, a psychologist or counselor for help in dealing with your issues.
Suggested reading
Psalm 39:14 and Psalm119:19 We have only a brief time on this earth.
The Man in the Mirror by Patrick Morley
Devotions for the Man in the Mirror by Patrick Morley
The Silence of Adam: Becoming Men of Courage in a World of Change, by Dr. Larry Crabb
Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Purity One Victory at a Time, By Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker
Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul, by John Eldredge
Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: Understanding Masculinity and Femininity from God’s Perspective, by Aubrey Malphurs
Let in the Light: Facing the Hard Stuff with Hope, by Patricia H. Livingston
The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth am I Here For? by Rick Warren